Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
