youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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