My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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