god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
