I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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