so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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