Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
