do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
