Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
