I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
