I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
