Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
