i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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