My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
