More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
