I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
