You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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