we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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