She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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