He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
