I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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