ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
