got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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