I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
