I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
