Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
