um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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