just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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