well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
