if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
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Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
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I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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