if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
