Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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