Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
