chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
