Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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