Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sext me about skeletons
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
