Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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