Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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