she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
