I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
