I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
