I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!