Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
