Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore

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  (631): I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore http://tfl.nu/upfn
  Replies (9) Good night (1007) Bad night (2026)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.

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  (608): Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker. http://tfl.nu/j5xk
  Replies (16) Good night (3811) Bad night (896)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.

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  (319): i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie. http://tfl.nu/wyd8
  Replies (7) Good night (949) Bad night (2523)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.

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  (314): one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this. http://tfl.nu/eiot
  Replies (6) Good night (1323) Bad night (1173)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  where do you find these guys?

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  (413): he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight' (860): where do you find these guys? http://tfl.nu/yte1
  Replies (14) Good night (2781) Bad night (1183)
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  (754): View more from Florida

  Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.

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  (754): Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam. http://tfl.nu/he4s
  Replies (35) Good night (1187) Bad night (2389)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.

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  (218): No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises. http://tfl.nu/ig53
  Replies (17) Good night (728) Bad night (2972)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Omg I think I'm in the wrong class

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  (519): I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning (519): Omg I think I'm in the wrong class http://tfl.nu/znqx
  Replies (11) Good night (3868) Bad night (664)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You say this every welcome week, bro.

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  (513): Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere (480): You say this every welcome week, bro. http://tfl.nu/zrmk
  Replies (3) Good night (1378) Bad night (471)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You made out with two different species that night

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  (508): You made out with two different species that night http://tfl.nu/gvcb
  Replies (8) Good night (511) Bad night (1363)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Never mind I found pizza just bring sex

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  (216): I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex (216): Never mind I found pizza just bring sex http://tfl.nu/1kkn
  Replies (4) Good night (1759) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.

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  (574): I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever. http://tfl.nu/zs85
  Replies (7) Good night (325) Bad night (1306)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode

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  (956): Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode http://tfl.nu/5ugf
  Replies (1) Good night (179) Bad night (432)
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  (707): View more from California

  One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.

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  (707): One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it. http://tfl.nu/0fd3
  Replies (0) Good night (634) Bad night (238)
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  (805): View more from California

  I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.

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  (805): I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled. http://tfl.nu/0c1d
  Replies (3) Good night (514) Bad night (262)

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