Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

coke and sex party at dan's

(201): View more from New Jersey

im watching greys anatomy with megan...

(973): View more from New Jersey

wha-pishhh

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(973): coke and sex party at dan's (201): im watching greys anatomy with megan... (973): wha-pishhh http://tfl.nu/auvy

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(858): View more from California

Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere

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(858): Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere http://tfl.nu/0d9e

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(860): View more from Connecticut

So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

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(860): So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun http://tfl.nu/05t6

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(240): View more from Maryland

Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.

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(240): Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present. http://tfl.nu/qzgl

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(360): View more from Washington

have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation

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(360): have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation http://tfl.nu/7a7f

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(239): View more from Florida

I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.

(1-239): View more from Florida

I told you I'd buy you lunch.

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(239): I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail. (1-239): I told you I'd buy you lunch. http://tfl.nu/jsln

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(720): View more from Colorado

My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever

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(720): My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever http://tfl.nu/wkge

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(845): View more from New York

You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.

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(845): You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this. http://tfl.nu/x8z4

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(678): View more from Georgia

My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store

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(678): My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store http://tfl.nu/soqr

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?

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(843): Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo? http://tfl.nu/h14o

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???

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(413): i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown??? http://tfl.nu/ek0c

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.

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(501): Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag. http://tfl.nu/w2wq

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(440): View more from Ohio

My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.

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(440): My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future. http://tfl.nu/caoj

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(631): View more from New York

Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.

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(631): Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on. http://tfl.nu/pysj

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata

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(612): I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata http://tfl.nu/6gow

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