My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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