yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.