my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
