no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You were trust falling into bushes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
