I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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