White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Randomize
