I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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