Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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