Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
