you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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