I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
