So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
