she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Randomize
