dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
