life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
