it hurts more in the daytime
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
