so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
