Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
