I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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