we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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