i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
