so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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