he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
