I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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