My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
