i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
