Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
