They should really pass out barf bags in church
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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