I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
