I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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