I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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