The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
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I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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