he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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