I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
